I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
