McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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