he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
