Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
