Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
