thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He has the fingertips of a God
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