we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
