Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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