you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
