...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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