If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
