I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
pray to the hookup gods
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
