So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
