since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
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Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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