Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize