I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
