Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
