I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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