I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
