Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
