I bet he comes in French.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
