There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
