fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
