i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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