I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You made out with two different species that night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize