Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
