I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
