i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Randomize
