he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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