This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
