after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
