What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He has the fingertips of a God
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