I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
