Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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