normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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