i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
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How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize