so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
as a side note pls kill me
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