im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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