arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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