It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
