thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
