he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
