My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
