apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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