There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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