the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
