This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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