no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
