Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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