Where did you get a picture of my penis
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
