working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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