I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
