and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
