So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
be right there i have to get my cape
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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