did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
