I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
