shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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