You're a womanizer and a bitch.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize
