Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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