dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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