Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's blow job season.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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