I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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