Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
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It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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