I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
