Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
