So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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