oh god the rape fog is back!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
