i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
