well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
thus making me awesome and them whores
ugly people sure do ruin things
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
