pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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