weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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