Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
