thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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