I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
