How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
