Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize