no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
