I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
