I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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