I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
