Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
