Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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