Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
