The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
