My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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